My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
