What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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