If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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