found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
