the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
