I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
