I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
porn star boner night. come get it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
