Four minutes until I can fart!
Farmville is her only friend.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
