Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
