Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize