If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
