I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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