My sheets look like a crime scene.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
