I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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