Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
