i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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