i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm really busy with my period
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