Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
