Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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