I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize