Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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