why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
