if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
