Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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