i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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