is your mom at the bar?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
