So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize