I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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