If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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