Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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