There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
