Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
