would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize