I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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