So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
