don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize