I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
