he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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