He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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