You can't special order awesome
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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