i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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