Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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