great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
