these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
