I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
