i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
