i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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