I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
