I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
