We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
