"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The ass gains better be worth it
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