yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
