dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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