theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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