Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
