"it" just moved
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Randomize
