no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
