i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
