Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
