i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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