After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
