I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
