When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
