Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
