So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
