At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
