Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
