When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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