so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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